I'm Here

Pretty girl,
   I've had a rough month and I am sorry I havent written. Truth be told, its just hard. My heart still hurts because I miss my daddy. But in his honor I will try to write, however brief it may be, as often as possible. Because your grampa LOVED (and i mean LOVED) the idea of me blogging about your growing up so that you could read it someday (and people like him could keep up with his funny, insightful, observant, little princess).
   I know that you can tell that I need you more than ever this past month. You are glued to my side and very snuggly. <3 Because I am just not ready to elaborate/put into print some of the things that I want to tell you about grampa, I will just journal some random/funny things. ;)

This evening we were putting money in your piggy bank. For some reason you have been quite concerned with filling this pig up. Here is our conversation as we were putting the coins in (only silver, per your instructions). If only I could express your tone of voice...
You: "mom, I'm totally gonna fill this thing up!"
Mommy: "I know. what are you going to do when its full?"
You (with a 'duh' shrug of the shoulders and look on your face): "Buy something.."
Mommy: "well, what are you going to buy?"
You: "Raisin bread. . . we dont have any, so I think I should buy some."

On our way home from daycare you and I usually check the mail. Last year when this was fairly new to you, we went to check the mail and there was none. Your response to this new (to you) instance was "Oh no! Mama, there isnt any mail! we better go to the store and buy some!" Because thats how things work in your head. If we didnt have something we needed, we put it on the list for the store. Bless your heart.

Nana was dropping you off with me at my office yesterday afternoon. As you two pulled into the parking lot you said to nana, "Hmm, I wonder where Allan's car is? Maybe he's driving a different car today?" Allan is my boss. How you have ANY idea what car he drives is beyond me! You are the most observant kid I have ever encoutered. Ever.

Taylor, these little conversations with you, your observances, and conclusions are one of the gazillion reasons your grampa jumped at any chance to spend time with you. He constantly told me that your little brain was a sponge, and he could just see yours absorbing things. He wanted every minute of your life documented so HE wouldnt forget any little thing.
He was ecstatic at my starting of this blog. He made me promise to email him the link ANY time posted on it. So I've had a hard time with the thought of blogging and him not reading it. But I know he's still watching your brain absorb things, and I know he is still amazed. My greatest fear, dear Taylor, is you not remembering him. It's the little things that I fear you forgetting. You two always clinked your glasses before taking a drink and saying "cheers"
Your grampa was an A-MAZING daddy and in turn turned out to be an even more AMAZING grampa. When you were just over a year, you fell on nana's front step and cut your lip. There was blood and you cried of course, but I think I was more traumatized than you. Grampa just happened to call a few minutes after it happened and I told him about it. Sure enough, not even 5 minutes later, there was your grampa at our front door with popcicles for his princess to help mend her hurt lip. This is the epitome of your grampa. For now, I will end with one of my favorite grampa and Taylor stories.

Last year sometime, grampa came over to watch you for mommy and daddy's 'date night' and there was a baseball game on tv, Cleveland vs. New York. Grampa, being from Akron-near Cleveland, is an Indians fan, and daddy is a Yankee fan. Daddy and I left for dinner while you and grampa went about your business. When we got home from dinner, we walked in from the garage and you jumped up off grampa's lap in the rocking chair, running towards us while yelling, "Daddy! Cleveland five to two!"
HA! Cleveland had beat the Yankees and grampa spent a better part of the evening trying convince you to say that to daddy when we got home and sure enough you came thru for him. ;) He could NOT stop laughing with pure excitement that you remembered it EXACTLY how he told you. Then, a couple months ago grampa came over just to hang with us. When you walked out of your room to the living room where he was sitting you said to him, "Cleveland five to two." He was again amazed with you, and excited all over again of that evening you remembered what to tell daddy when we got home.

Taylor & Grampa at a Rawhide baseball game.

I love you most,
Mommy

P.S.
Please forgive me, Taylor, for not quite being ready to talk aloud about grampa being gone yet. It still hurts my heart so much, and I dont want you to associate grampa with mommy crying. So I haven't taken every opportunity there has been to talk about/remind you of grampa things. I know you dont quite understand what all is going on. You just asked me night before last if daddy and I could go to dinner so grampa could come over to play with you. And last week you asked nana if she missed grampa dennis, because you knew your mommy missed her daddy. But understand this, your grampa loved you beyond what words can express.