I'm Here

Pretty girl,
   I've had a rough month and I am sorry I havent written. Truth be told, its just hard. My heart still hurts because I miss my daddy. But in his honor I will try to write, however brief it may be, as often as possible. Because your grampa LOVED (and i mean LOVED) the idea of me blogging about your growing up so that you could read it someday (and people like him could keep up with his funny, insightful, observant, little princess).
   I know that you can tell that I need you more than ever this past month. You are glued to my side and very snuggly. <3 Because I am just not ready to elaborate/put into print some of the things that I want to tell you about grampa, I will just journal some random/funny things. ;)

This evening we were putting money in your piggy bank. For some reason you have been quite concerned with filling this pig up. Here is our conversation as we were putting the coins in (only silver, per your instructions). If only I could express your tone of voice...
You: "mom, I'm totally gonna fill this thing up!"
Mommy: "I know. what are you going to do when its full?"
You (with a 'duh' shrug of the shoulders and look on your face): "Buy something.."
Mommy: "well, what are you going to buy?"
You: "Raisin bread. . . we dont have any, so I think I should buy some."

On our way home from daycare you and I usually check the mail. Last year when this was fairly new to you, we went to check the mail and there was none. Your response to this new (to you) instance was "Oh no! Mama, there isnt any mail! we better go to the store and buy some!" Because thats how things work in your head. If we didnt have something we needed, we put it on the list for the store. Bless your heart.

Nana was dropping you off with me at my office yesterday afternoon. As you two pulled into the parking lot you said to nana, "Hmm, I wonder where Allan's car is? Maybe he's driving a different car today?" Allan is my boss. How you have ANY idea what car he drives is beyond me! You are the most observant kid I have ever encoutered. Ever.

Taylor, these little conversations with you, your observances, and conclusions are one of the gazillion reasons your grampa jumped at any chance to spend time with you. He constantly told me that your little brain was a sponge, and he could just see yours absorbing things. He wanted every minute of your life documented so HE wouldnt forget any little thing.
He was ecstatic at my starting of this blog. He made me promise to email him the link ANY time posted on it. So I've had a hard time with the thought of blogging and him not reading it. But I know he's still watching your brain absorb things, and I know he is still amazed. My greatest fear, dear Taylor, is you not remembering him. It's the little things that I fear you forgetting. You two always clinked your glasses before taking a drink and saying "cheers"
Your grampa was an A-MAZING daddy and in turn turned out to be an even more AMAZING grampa. When you were just over a year, you fell on nana's front step and cut your lip. There was blood and you cried of course, but I think I was more traumatized than you. Grampa just happened to call a few minutes after it happened and I told him about it. Sure enough, not even 5 minutes later, there was your grampa at our front door with popcicles for his princess to help mend her hurt lip. This is the epitome of your grampa. For now, I will end with one of my favorite grampa and Taylor stories.

Last year sometime, grampa came over to watch you for mommy and daddy's 'date night' and there was a baseball game on tv, Cleveland vs. New York. Grampa, being from Akron-near Cleveland, is an Indians fan, and daddy is a Yankee fan. Daddy and I left for dinner while you and grampa went about your business. When we got home from dinner, we walked in from the garage and you jumped up off grampa's lap in the rocking chair, running towards us while yelling, "Daddy! Cleveland five to two!"
HA! Cleveland had beat the Yankees and grampa spent a better part of the evening trying convince you to say that to daddy when we got home and sure enough you came thru for him. ;) He could NOT stop laughing with pure excitement that you remembered it EXACTLY how he told you. Then, a couple months ago grampa came over just to hang with us. When you walked out of your room to the living room where he was sitting you said to him, "Cleveland five to two." He was again amazed with you, and excited all over again of that evening you remembered what to tell daddy when we got home.

Taylor & Grampa at a Rawhide baseball game.

I love you most,
Mommy

P.S.
Please forgive me, Taylor, for not quite being ready to talk aloud about grampa being gone yet. It still hurts my heart so much, and I dont want you to associate grampa with mommy crying. So I haven't taken every opportunity there has been to talk about/remind you of grampa things. I know you dont quite understand what all is going on. You just asked me night before last if daddy and I could go to dinner so grampa could come over to play with you. And last week you asked nana if she missed grampa dennis, because you knew your mommy missed her daddy. But understand this, your grampa loved you beyond what words can express.

Last Week.

My darling Taylor,

Mommy has had a very sad week. As I explained to you, grampa (my daddy) has gone to heaven and we wont get to see him anymore. This heartbreak has only been helped in the past 10 days by your little voice and big hugs. Your grampa loved you VERY much! I'm still very sad, and miss my daddy very much, but I do no ever want you to forget how much he adored you. This is you two at the end of July when he was watching you because nana was on vacation. More later, when I have a little more energy. I love you darling Taylor.

Mommy

new (slightly dangerous) territory.

We entered a new territory this morning, dear Taylor. .

Dangerous and far too advanced for 3 years old.

You've recently started getting up RIGHT before my alarm every morning (thank you for that). This new habit of yours has made my getting ready for work take almost twice as long. While I'm doing my hair/makeup, you usually hang out/play with my shoes and keep yourself busy making a shoe mess in my closet. This morning, you asked me if we could go get you a dress like Audrey's. You went on to tell me ALL about the dress, "It has hauwts (hearts) on it . . . its fluffy on the bottom . . . it has stripes on it . . .Can we go get me one mom? I think she got it at Costco? Hmm, maybe Tauwget? . . . No, I think Costco."

We are ALREADY in the land of wanting the things your friends have? You're THREE.

After my own heart.

You've been "my daughter" since you could sort laundry at eleven months old.

(Mommy LOVES doing laundry.)

And now at three, you cant pass up an item at the store that is in the wrong place. Here, at JC Penney, looking for something for new baby Emma, you did NOT like that the shirts were not all neatly piled. And you had to fix it.  ;)

Amigo's.

As soon as I walked in the door from work yesterday, you asked if we could go to Amigo's for dinner. When I implied that we could go you told your dad, "Mom said we can go to Amigo's for dinner!" (Though he was sitting right there for the conversation.) "Dad, we should walk! Can we walk dad? Its so close and its a BEAUTIFUL day!" In short, your dads answer, " Um no. You crazy? Its a million degrees outside."

{Belieber} "...Ya, I love him"

I am struggling with going backwards to post old things on here so i dont forget them, but I dont want to "get behind" with current stuff. So I will just do it as I have time. Here is one of my absolute FAVORITE videos.
We Love Justin Bieber! (July 2010)

http://www.facebook.com/v/1520535579546

(I'll figure out how to get the video to youtube so the video is on here, instead of a link to the video. As you can tell, I'm SO experienced in this whole blogging deal.)

Bedtime

Most nights before bed you are allowed to watch one tv show and then I will rock you. If its not too late you get to sit on my lap and we'll watch something together, before I rock you. I recorded you last night asking me if we could watch 'Wipeout' and then a conversation about when 'Dancing with the Stars' will be back on. I HAVE to figure out how to upload those recordings. Until then, here is last nights tv watching. Less sitting on the couch relaxing, more trying to do the 'Fresh Beat Band' dance. <3

I'm still giggling at watching you try to imitate their moves.

Dear Taylor, {Take One}

Alright TED, let me start by saying yes, I got the idea from the googlechrome commercial (and my dear friend Jen, who also liked the idea and acted upon it). I kept telling myself I need to write more things down to share with you and remember all the little moments. So here it is. My shot at blogging/journaling for my Taylor Emerson. A few things I want to remind myself to write about:

• "It's ok! It's ok!"
• Dancing with the Stars
• Swim Lessons
• "Mom, I tried it! I LOOVVEE Bwoccoli!"

P.S.
Please forgive me for not being all that great at articulating. Most of the time the thoughts and memories go so fast thru my mind that my fingers cant keep up and I will be lucky if I remember to type all the words. I will try my best. ;)